Dear Wolfgang;

My name is Snakefox. I am a cagefighter in Thailand because the type of entertainment I deliver was not legal back in my native U.S.A.. My manager puts me into a cage with another man and I have to beat him physically to death, but drinking his blood is optional. I want to write you and tell you that I am a huge fan of your writing style. I really like your website and enjoy reading about your subjects of interest. My favorite subject is inflicting pain, and you touch on that occasionally. Which is cool because other websites like Amazon.com don’t so as much. I really like your comic book, Kingdom of Hell, and the way that it advocates speedboats and rockets as a way of initiating social change. When I was a kid my father used to beat me and I wish somebody had just cruised by him in a speedboat and shot a rocket at him instead of all those social workers who just came to our house and talked a bunch and then stole my pornos.

I really like the way you draw. Your speedboats look really cool and you really capture the way men’s heads explode. I would know, I have crushed many men’s heads. I’m glad you chose female heroes for your adventure story; personally I would prefer ladies with more stacks on their racks and more junk in their trunks like Pamela Anderson or Carmen Electra. Those are classy mature ladies. But if I wanted to criticize you I’d do it with nun chucks in a parking lot, so don’t worry, you should keep your style of ladies. It’s cool that you wrote about how you think Ali McGraw was hot in ‘The Getaway’. She’s not my type, but I loved that movie and its use of shotguns when I was a kid.

I noticed that on your main page you have a picture of a fox riding a tricycle. I think I should tell you that foxes don’t do this. But this really caught my attention because my style of cage fighting is to hold a snake in one hand and a fox in the other and flog my opponent with them. That’s why my name is Snakefox and not Tuna Toes or Hog Wrench or something. I really like your graphical rendition of a fox. I go through several foxes and snakes in a year, because many of them die so that I can win in a battle. I raise the snakes and foxes myself in the basement of the brothel where I sleep. A lot of the girls help feed the foxes in the pens but are scared of the snakes. The girls frequently work the crowds at my fights and my manager is also their manager. My boss also owns several fighting cocks, but they live in a nicer place than me and the ladies because they more valuable.

I would really appreciate it if you would do an artistic rendition of me with your drawing talents. I don’t have any photos that I can include in this letter because all my money goes towards my foxes and snakes so I never thought to buy a camera. I will tell you what I look like. Did you ever see ‘Batman Begins’, that was a really good movie. You know how Batman decided to dress like a bat because they frightened him as a child and so he wanted to become his fears? Well, when I was a kid my father used to beat me with an aluminum cylinder that contained Pringles and so when I became a cagefighter I modeled my appearance after the Pringles man with the moustache. I am more muscular and can bench press a bench with six working girls sitting on it. I am completely bald (I guess time catches up with all of us, heh heh) and I wield a snake and a fox. Other than that I look like the Pringles man. I call myself Snakefox because Foxsnake sounds like “Fuck Snake” when you say it, and fucking a snake is something I would never do because none of them are blonde.

I would like it if you could make me a little card so that I could use it to promote myself and maybe send it to future opponents to intimidate them. I would really love an artistic rendition of myself fucking a big-titted lady while I ride a motorcycle and rip the balls off a dragon in a field of skulls. If you could do this artwork for me I would be very grateful. I cannot draw because my hands don’t grip so tight any more. Trying to grip anything smaller than another man’s neck is very difficult for me. If you can draw me the way I described I would be honored to arrange a seat for you at my next fight so that you could sit next to the caldron of boiling oil that they throw on the losing cagefighter’s family. I could even swing some entertainment for you with the ladies, they are all skinny the way you like.

Thank you very much, I am a big fan (6’4”)!

~Snakefox

Dear Snakefox;

Thank you very much for your interest in my artwork. I think you’ll find that Kingdom of Hell has plenty of action left. The next chapter I’m working on is a bit emotional, but then it gets right back to speedboats and zombie heads exploding. I would be honored to draw a portrait of such an esteemed warrior as yourself. I think it’s cool that you model yourself after the Pringles man. I look sorta like Topher Grace, but not because I really put effort into it or anything. I also totally relate to how your manager values his fighting cocks more than you and the ladies. My boss values KFC more than anything, and that’s sorta like a chicken.

I have fulfilled your requests as far as artwork goes. I have this website called Cafrepress where you can make your own stuff. I created some products that your supporters can order so that they can wear it to your fights and decorate their homes with it. Click on the design below to go to the website with the products for each. One is a logo and the other a portrait.

I hope that I drew you in a manner that you find glorious. While planning the portrait of you ripping the balls off a dragon I realized that most dragons in movies don’t have balls, despite not wearing trousers. How odd. I made some postcards of that design that you can send to your opponents and I’m sure it will intimidate them. I look forward to seeing you fight and would appreciate the hospitality you described in your letter.

I think that the portrait also makes a great computer desktop, so if you want to use it as such click here for a full scale version.

Thank you for writing me, Snakefox, and good luck in the further crushification of heads. Eventually we can beat world poverty if we all work together.

Cheers

~Wolfgang