The Last Boy Scout
Shane
Black and Tony Scott combined their powers to tell this detective buddy action
comedy family drama political thriller anti-drug critique of professional
sports. It starts out with some scenes
of that NFL sport. Tony Scott chooses to
set this scene at night in the rain and film it with a bunch of closeups because he’s an Englishman and so, like me, even
if I was watching this ‘sport’ in broad daylight from a bird’s eye view in slow
motion I would have no fucking clue what’s going on. It would still just be a big grunting pile of
angry guys where I don’t know what’s going on or why, much like this film.
Bruce Willis
plays some sort of Philip Marlow type who was once a top secret service
bodyguard but ruined his career one night when he overheard his boss having
rough sex and took it as an invitation to join.
He has since become a drunken loser detective and prank caller who is
disillusioned with professional sports after his sports hero, played by Damon
Wayans, was disgraced for gambling.
Wayans plays a
rich grief-ridden smart-assed violent disgraced honour-bound athletic junkie
detective and doesn’t really convincingly deliver any aspect of his
character. They give him a couple runs
at everything too. He doesn’t really
deliver the grief when his girlfriend, Halle Berry, gets shot to death before
his eyes, so they give him a second chance by having him give a long speech
about how Halle Berry is actually the second love of his life to die tragically
and that his previous woman gave birth during her own fatal car accident to a
baby who also later died in an incident that may also be related to the
commercialization of professional sports but I’m not sure. I know Pixar’s Up was a big hit, so I
guess most audiences just like lots of dead loved ones and miscarriages in
their adventure comedies.
I
think they also brought in the actress who plays Bruce Willis’s wife for the
sole purpose of making Wayans not be the worst actor in this thing, unless Kim Catrall actually passed on the role, but does she ever?
Bruce and
Wayans meet in one of those strip clubs that has model-looking Halle Berry
working as a waitress and where two guys can punch and shove each other without
getting thrown out by 50 bouncers within a minute. Various complications ensue and everybody
from their respective pasts get pulled into a conspiracy that involves several
slimy politicians and businessmen, all of whom sadly somehow avoid being played
by James Woods or Eric Roberts.
Bruce and
Wayans are both forced to face their demons.
Wayans must quit drugs. This is
handled in a scene where his drugs are flushed down the toilet and he then
never uses or mentions them again or suffers any withdrawal difficulties. Makes Ewan McGregor in Trainspotting
really look like a pussy. Bruce must
deal with his daughter’s awesomeness buy incorporating it into several funny
action sequences involving a cat puppet.
We never find
out what happened to the rest of his boy scout troop.
I’ve always
given Shane Black a lot of credit for his writing abilities. I find his films don’t usually have any fat
on them. One scene always leads to the
next and builds on the previous so that very little can be cut. He accomplishes it in a different way here
because everything is equally pointless.
I have a lot of affection for this phase in Bruce Willis’s career where
he chose to do stuff like this or Hudson Hawk where the plot synopsis
must have either been a doodle on napkin or longer than the actual screenplay
itself. Willis recognized he could carry
all this ridiculousness on his shoulders and be that strong anchor in the
middle of a shitstorm that gives it all
perspective. I think you have to have a
heart of stone not to smile at least a little when Bruce does that little dance
at the end. I feel it’s kinda the point of the movie: life is ridiculous and all
you can do is shrug it off and enjoy the little moments.
I guess if I
could change one thing about this movie I would make it about golf. I think it would make that opening pistol
rampage scene all the more ridiculous and the same goes for all the
disillusioned dialogue about there being “no more heroes left” being
applied to golf is just funnier.
I also think
Danielle Harris playing his daughter should’ve had a way better career launched
from this performance. I’d back her
against that Kick-Ass Hit-Girl girl any day of the week.
And for a
sequel I would demand a John Woo style shot of Willis diving sideways firing
two cat puppet guns akimbo.
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