Blade Runner
As many of you know, Ridley Scott’s film Blade
Runner has recently been re-re-re-re-released again once more in cinemas
and on home video featuring an all-new cut of the film and the DVD features a
five hour documentary on every aspect of this film.
I can now say case mutherfuckin’
closed on this film because I now have all the evidence I need to declare
this film a madman. Everybody involved
with Blade Runner has supplied me (and anybody else willing to buy this
DVD set) with testimonies clearly stating that the director and crew had no
clue as to what this film was supposed to be even while they were making
it. Actually, they even still don’t seem
to know what this film was trying to achieve on any level other than production
design seeing as Ridley Scott has come up with new theories on how he now
thinks that the main character is a replicant.
And that is why I declare this film Ridley
Scott’s masterpiece. This film is a
collection of Scott’s wonky obsessions all overloaded onto a train and driven off
the rails by his ego. When you watch the
documentary on the DVD you realize that this project changed every minute of
development. Ridley wanted snow, they
threw in snow. Ridley wanted origami,
they worked it in. Ridley wanted a
unicorn, presto! (Special note for
people who have not seen the film: that was not a joke, there really is a
unicorn. You should go watch the movie
before you continue reading.)
My favorite part of the documentary is when the
crew start discussing a time when Scott became obsessed with getting a mouse to
wear a bow tie at some point in the film.
Scott also wanted a big Harryhausenized flashdance number for Zhora to
perform where she morphs between being a snake and a lady. That never happened either. Neither did an imagined Wizard of Oz
moment where Batty crushes Tyrell and discovers he is an android and the real
Tyrell is dead in a Leninist mausoleum.
And neither did the other replicant character,
Mary, or her funeral.
This DVD set includes the five existing cuts of
the film, and I’m certain that there will be more in the years to come. Ridley Scott will die re-editing Blade
Runner. Hell, his ghost will come
back and edit another cut of Blade Runner just like how Tupac is releasing more albums in death than he did in life. We will get that cut with the mouse wearing
the bow tie someday, even if it is because Russel
Crowe was told to go and do that re-edit through a ouija board. Maybe
Scott’s ghost will take the form of a mouse wearing a bow tie and haunt flashdance parlors around the world.
The rest of Ridley Scott’s career has been spent
telling relatively normal stories in a straightforward fashion. Films such as Alien, Legend, Gladiator,
Black Hawk Down, are all accessible genre pictures. But Blade Runner is the one where he
gets to ride a cloth pony into his own subconscious, like that crazy kid at the
end of Science of Sleep.
The story being basically about a bounty hunter
guy rediscovering his humanity, or at least finding something beautiful in a
world he previously thought was all ugly, so now he has real love in his arms
instead of just a dream of a unicorn. I got that. It’s the rest of this movie that goes mental.
Most of what they say about this world does not jive with the way the
characters behave in it. If Earth is supposed to be a rotting shithole where nobody wants to live anymore, then why does
a rich industrialist like Tyrell live here? I realize he probably invested a
lot into building his giant gold pyramid, but wouldn't he rather go to one of these
glorious colonies? And if J.F. Sebastian plays chess with the boss and has a
highly valued talent, why does he live in a slum?
And the reason they have Deckard hunting the replicants is because they aren't allowed on Earth. They're
trespassing. But then why are all the people who design and build the replicants on Earth? You wouldn't have a manufacturing site
where the product it produces is illegal. Why not just build the replicants where they're used? And why is Rachael allowed
to take personal assistant job away from a human but Zhora
can't go on flashdancing?
There are many countries that produce cocaine
etc. despite it being illegal there. But in the Blade Runner universe
there are many places where replicants are legal, so
wouldn't you build them there? And why
are they only illegal in what’s supposed to be the shittiest place in the
universe but authorized to work in the glorious colonies?
You could make the comparison of Tyrell to Trump and how they both live in craphole cities among bums and junkies despite being
millionaires who could live in the
I always interpreted the offworld
colonies as the suburbs. Where the homes aren't necessarily well built and
there's no sense of community, but they all look nice and clean and people feel
safe because they don't have to look at hobos. I also figured there would be
different quality ranges. Maybe some planets are like gated communities full of
mansions. Tyrell could start a new home
on one the colonial planets and maybe model it after Taj
Mahal this time.
But I guess when you’ve got an artificial owl, looking out your bedroom
window at sprawling polluted slum ain’t so bad. But wouldn’t you at least want to see a
society that benefits from your creations?
Maybe not, those Coca-Cola guys probably don’t like
looking at cavities.
Since these colonies aren't shown in the film, it remains one of the many many things left ambiguous and open to viewer's
explanation. A buddy of mine feels that
the colonies are probably like the army.
When you see the ads they make it look like you’ll be just doing extreme
sports for a living, but once you sign up you find out it’s more about getting
your infidel fingernail ripped out with pliers for information you don’t know.
But then why would they reject J.F. Sebastian
from moving there on the basis of his accelrated
decrepitude? There's clearly a genetic discrimination thing going on like in Gattaca, which fits with my theory of the colonies
being the suburbs in that they snob people based on superficialities because
appearances of safety and order are all they have.
Also, what makes Deckard such a good dagger sprinter? They're pulling this guy
out of retirement because he's "the best", but I never really saw him
do anything extraordinary. He’s nowhere
near as good as Dog: The Bounty Hunter in the
fields of ass-kicking, tracking, investigating, speechified enlightening or
sleeveless fashion. Couldn't any cop shoot Zhora, an
unarmed naked lady, in the back like Deckard did? Or sit there and watch Roy
Batty die? And what's the point of calling Deckard to kill these replicants if they're all pretty much due to expire/die
within a few days anyway?
If the filmmakers can find a way to work in
unicorns, dwarves dressed like Prussian soldiers, origami, new age jazz music,
Asian culture, gymnastics, etc. then I don't see why it would be so hard to
show the hero catch a crook in a clever way or fight competently. If I were a sword dasher, I would go to the
club where Zhora flashdances
and shoot her head off on stage right in the middle of her act, flash my badge,
and strut on out stone cold. But Deckard
chooses to infiltrate her dressing room by doing a Rick Moranis
impression, only he’s so proud of his impression that he keeps doing it instead
of just shooting her and she escapes into the streets where he shoots her and,
in my opinion, ruins Christmas by having her dead naked body land in store
display window. Some kid is gonna see that and be traumatized for life.
And maybe I'm being stupid here, but why is his
job title 'blade runner' when it does not involve a blade? When I first saw this movie I thought it
would be one of those movies where guys swordfight in modern urban environments,
like Highlander or Blade (no runner, although Wesley Snipes does
more running in his picture). Ridley Scott's answer is because it "sounds
cool", so I guess you give a guy a cool sounding job title to smooth over
the PR issues that come from a job that involves shooting an unarmed sexy naked
lady in a crowded city street.
And what was Deckard doing in such early
retirement? He clearly does not speak any of the dominant languages, he can’t
even order noodles, so I'm surprised he was ever a detective, but I doubt he
could get another job.
And if he thinks this whole world is bullshit
and hated his job as a knife jogger then why didn't he ever run off to wherever
he runs off to with Rachael at the end? He just hangs out right where that
origami asshole can find him and drag him back to work. He’s pretty shitty at hiding. Even Rachael
found his apartment, so he's probably even listed in the phone book.
And what does that origami guy do? Is he the
blade out-runner since he hunts blade runners and brings them back to work? He
seems to have all day to hang out and make origami of men with boners, but when
Deckard needs backup to fight Batty this origami prick is fashionably late. He
was probably busy making an origami of a dove.
If years after the film’s completion Ridley Scott
is allowed to reinterpret the Deckard character as a replicant,
then I think I can interpret the origami guy as the Tyler Durden
imaginary friend of Blade Runner.
He’s that voice in Deckard’s head telling him he has to get back to work
etc. And then at the end he actually
literally becomes a voice in Deckard’s head with the nagging reality of
Rachael’s mortality. Making this guy the
imaginary friend to Deckard is the only way to justify why he allows Deckard to
run away with Rachael, and why he follows Deckard everywhere during the
investigation but never contributes anything more than little paper sculptures
with giant erect penises. If he were
real they could’ve worked out a good-cop-origami-cop routine to more
effectively shakedown snake handlers or whatever.
I also don't get that if the more human they make the replicants
the more rebellious and unpredictable they become, then why does Tyrell Corp
keep striving to do this? Sure, that
Kowalski replicant may be able to lift heavy weights
and work long hours, but ask him about his mother and he shoots you in the
face? Keep that guy off my site. I'll stick with human construction workers,
thanks. Even if they bitch and take long smoke breaks and
unionize or whatever.
And, I mean, Roy Batty is a cool character and all, but if that's their
standard model "combat" replicant, then
whatever army buys a platoon full of Roy Battys has a
mutiny on their hands, guaranteed. I guess even in the distant future the
government is continuing to award the contract to the lowest bidder. Maybe in the future wars are more like those
"poetry slams" or rap battles and that's why a replicant
like Roy who is engineered specifically for combat is so damn eloquent, not to
mention sensitive. Some commanding
officer would give him an order expecting a “sir, yes, sir” response but get
some long poem about doves and tears and mortality or something. I think if I were engineering soldiers I’d
make them like those macho retards in that 300 movie where all there
talk about is the glory of death and blood and victory and scream
“SPAAAAARRRRRTAAAAA!” at each other.
We also find out that the replicants
are implanted with artificial memories.
I hear this sort of thing goes on on
Like I said, I like this movie. But I lump it in with other surrealist movies
that are more about moods and tones and ideas than stories. Stuff like
Blade Runner is definitely under the genre of futuristic film noir. But Blade
Runner is to 12 Monkeys what El Topo
is to Fistful of Dollars, it's the maniac cousin. And I love maniac cousins,
but like I said, I like the way this film is so ambitious to explore so many
ideas and visuals, but it's definitely at the expense of logic.
Unicorn.
If you like
this, here are some other recommended articles:
Ten years after its release….I have an opinion on it.
The film that will alienate all your
friends and family.
Guaranteed.
Darren Aronofsky’s
The Fountain
If you missed this cinematic jem, find
out what you missed!